I have been unhappy, in general for a couple of weeks. And I don’t think I can talk to anyone about the reasons. There are multiple reasons for me being unhappy and distressed. And to be honest, I haven’t really found the right words to express my current state of mind and heart.
But there are a few reasons to be happy. First, I still can not believe I am present here for this post. That IS an achievement. However, I am here to talk about this other thing that makes me happy. Recently, a LOT of my friends, including my husband, appreciated what I have been doing online.
Okay, if you don’t know, here is the story. I decided to do blogging full time after I moved to Texas. While I thought that after blogging for so many years, I could sustain a living out of it, I completely forgot that I am starting my life from scratch in this new country. And to establish yourself as a local blogger, you need a good network. Anyhow, it took me almost a year(including the unfortunate 2020) to establish myself. By God’s grace, I am doing better than what I expected. Is that sustainable? We don’t know yet.
It took me ages to convince myself that I am NOT wasting my opportunity to earn in this foreign land by doing a regular job which will pay me 5 times as high as what I earn by freelancing. Money is not eveyrthing. I enjoy doing what I do.
But the journey was not easy. And I desperately sought validation from the people who mattered – my friends and family. I had their support, yes. But I never received their appreciation. And recently, I received that in abundance, and I am thankful. But it made me thinking – why do we seek validation so badly?
Psychologists say that you need to stop seeking validation. But I don’t know if that is humanly possible. You can train yourself not to do it as I did it for ages. But I have failed, and peace finally came to me after I received the validation. That is a different story that now I have found other people whose validation I seek! It came after the following post:
I realized that I have always been a people pleaser. And that explains my approval-seeking behaviour. Do I regret having this kind of behaviour? No. Does it affect my efficiency? Hell, yes! And that’s pretty strange that even after knowing this I am not okay with giving up on this sort of behaviour.
But what bothers me the most it that I did not appreciate the support that I got enough. I rather waited for them to recognize that I am doing something worthwhile. It needed so much convincing that this is not something to be ashamed of! Why am I being ashamed of pursuing writing and creative adventures as a career option? I don’t think there is anything wrong.
But this has been the hardest Free write Monday post. And it’s crappy too! Nevertheless, I am going to post it. By blog, my rules.