Trust me, I did not intend to write this post at all. I wanted to break my tradition. The same old tradition of evaluating the year which has gone by and learns from my mistakes.
The year which ended yesterday was the most terrible year of my life to date. I had seen bad years. The year I lost my grandfather was the worst year till that time. I met with an accident in 2012 and due to my immobility for months, I fell into severe depression and till 2015 happened it was the worst year of my life so far.
I decided not to write about it because I wanted this year to be not just a new beginning but a rebirth altogether. So, I did not want to look back at all. But now as I started my journey towards Jaipur because I wanted this year to be a year of travelling, new places, people and beginnings, I found myself contemplating about the things that pushed me to the brink where I have become so indifferent for my life so far.
I learned that no matter how much patience, perseverance and persistence you have, you are bound to fail.
I am, not, NOT, starting this on a negative note. I am just trying to be practical. I got the worst fall. I decided to get up and continue and I kept falling until I gave up. I got backstabbed – not once but twice. Why does that matter so much? Because it came from a person who happened to be the epitome of perfection and “ideality”. Yes, if people like this can go wrong, anyone can. This is how my life in general went. I learned not to trust ever again.
I used to be the most believing person who never lost hope. I lost that person in me.
I saw a great dip in my family life. Being away from my sister did take a toll on me. Being away from my friends took a toll on me. I tried but I failed to just stay put.
My career too touched the rock bottom. Why? Even after being so persistent academically, I failed badly. I am still not sure how long this instability is going to be in my career. And I have literally given up on that too.
Things which kept me rooted saw less of me. I started to blog less. And thus it turned out to be a bad blogging year. Why did I do that? Because the more I tried to write, the more I thought about things and it hurt me more.
I took the 100 happy days challenge. Twice. I failed at the first attempt. I completed in the second go. But that must be the only highlight of the year gone by. And I learned the most important lesson – Happiness is a way of life, not a state after which one can run.
I have grown and matured enough to know that a new year doesn’t change anything. Things remain the same. I learned way too many lessons which I will talk in detail through the course of this year.
But today, sitting in this bus I realized –
If I am lucky enough to actually do what I wished to, then I surely deserve to live life again leaving behind the years that have gone by. I am sitting on this bus because I wanted my year to start with doing something that I really wanted to.
I want this year to be a new beginning in every form. And it won’t happen in a day or a month. It will take time. And I am glad I am getting another chance to be hopeful and want to believe again.
Life shuts down just once, but it certainly restarts a few times. Mine restarts today. 🙂
I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.