Trust me, there were so many posts lined up, but this one couldn’t wait. I really can not let the vampire-werewolf fever die down before I post my take on it. I don’t think very highly of the haemoglobin deprived creatures as you guys are already aware. Then what exactly triggers this post? I have so many other unimportant things to hate in life, so much to blabber about my frustrations – then why this? That too after so many years of their existence in our world, why now? Believe me, even I’m wondering the same as I’m keyboard-ing (:P) down my thoughts.
Every normal human being on this earth is surrounded by a few insane people who are mad about the foolish tale started by Stephanie Meyer. (I’m not calling that lady foolish, she’s surely one intelligent lady, who knows how to use her literary skills to make her rich – target the young, sense-less teenage kids, who would believe almost every fantasy.) And sometimes, it happens the other way round as well. I mean insane people being surrounded by a normal human being who is mad about the foolish tale. I belong to the second category. (Or wait, did I just display a new level of modesty?:P)
I was introduced to this apparently-never-ending-saga by my bestie and also the awesome writer Mahima, who does not have some fetish for the blood-sucking humanoid, but yes, she likes the fantasy and the tale. Her sole purpose of making me read the books and watching all the movies was to take me to the premiere of the first part of the last book-Breaking dawn. She really wanted to see this one, and I wouldn’t have refused anyway. When I read the first part, like every other girl, I imagined all the first-crush-first-love things described in it. Actually, a flashback ran through my mind. That was one awkward moment when I really didn’t want a vampire to be my guy but wished my guy was a vampire. Few lines of the book were just too great, and yes, I stopped reading after the first book. The book is indeed magical until you watch the movies.
With the feeling of great achievement, I gathered every bit of courage I had (not because of the fact that I’m afraid of vampires, but I’m afraid of Robert Pattinson. I had already heard a lot about him, if you know what I’m talking about.) and sat down to watch the first movie.
That guy literally sparkled. *facepalm* I mean, girls what is wrong with you? Taj Mahal also sparkles in the sunlight, go start running after it with the same intensity. I would appreciate it more. One more reason that I deduced why girls are in love with this saga-so many people fighting for one girl. Aaah! Its a dream of every girl. Come to think of it, which girl around you won’t enjoy such attention and that the guy she loves is fighting for her with wild humans, along with his family. Divine! All the attention is yours. I somehow survived the first part and watched the second part as well, and then I gave up.
Now comes the final part, the reason for me to write on this thing. My girlfriend was very upset that the movie didn’t release on the promised date-18th November. And I was secretly wishing that it never does. But it did. I went to watch a movie. Period. I did.
I have never been this disappointed in my entire life (keeping aside a few genuine reasons). My wedding day would be the best day of my life, the glamour is all mine. And I would never go to my wedding with the-straight-from-the-hospital-bed-look. And that too when I’m getting married to a vampire, I mean, c’ mon you expression-less lady named Bella Swan, isn’t it thrilling? Then this movie starts catering to every teenage girl’s sexual fantasies. I’m so sure this would have been portrayed a lot better in the book than it was in the movie.
Anyway, a few things that I learnt from the movie:
1. You can love as many guys as you can, confess this to them and marry the guy you love “more’.
2. Use protection while indulging in any sexual activity, if you really don’t plan to have a baby or if you are not 18. No matter how much they say “it’s not possible”, you might soon be a home for an ever-growing-life -threatening-creature.
3. Blood tastes “good” when you drink it in a fountain cola glass. And you might even enjoy sipping it with a straw.
4. If I listen closely, I can actually listen to wolves and dogs talking and fighting in the language I’m comfortable in.
5. You are undergoing a c-section, it’s not a very nice idea to have vampires in the same room.
6. Vampire blood is less painful than botox. And cheap as well. Also, it saves the amount of pocket money you have to spend on MAC, Maybelline and Chamber for that simple make-up you put on to look pretty.
I would have fainted if the movie didn’t end at the right time. Thank god it did. But will this hatred stop me from watching part two? Only time will tell. And yes, Mahima was as disappointed as I was. That amount of blood is not really a treat, trust me.
And about the title, something tells me that you have already read gazillions of reviews and non-review-ish posts about this. So I yawned on your behalf.
Till the next time, keep trolling.